Bruce Parry is going Tribal. That Discovery Channel is something else. This white fella, right affable chap, as we watch, is living with the Kombai tribe somewhere way out in Papua, running through the forest hunting. Now these people, the Kombai, they are cannibals. Cannibals. It’d been so long since I had heard the word, that I repeated it out loud three times before my mom snapped – they eat people.
Yeah. They eat people.
He just told these fellas, “You guys are the business.”
They are something. I’m in awe really. This jokah is running through the jungle hunting, living in their tree house, smoking some ‘backer and relishing the spoils of wild boars killed by dogs.
I am always nervous when I watch programs like these. Curious, but nervous. I like to think that I have an adventurous spirit, but obviously, compared to Mr. Parry, I’m kidding myself.
I gag just thinking about what smells abound.
So I’m watching trying to figure out how it is that he gains admittance to these various tribes. We caught the tail end of him in Ethiopia, but with these people, the Kombai, they are cannibals.
Now, on the outskirts of the jungle some missionaries came in awhile back and converted some Kombai peoples. These Kombai-Christians lead this man through various treehouse camps trying to grant him access.
Now this is what got me to writin’. Now, how ‘bout you done left your tribe, right? You go live on the outskirts of the jungle, and you still speak the language, so naturally when curious folk come a-callin’ you have the skills to grant them passage.
But I wondered who the hell would go back. If you left, you have been “delivered” and now view these people as savages or what not, how can you not be scared to return? I’m thinkin’ you’re the first one to get shot by a bamboo arrow. You’se a traitor. So if I were to see you coming back with some pale skinned man in tow, I might be inclined to bow up … literally.
And they do bow up, people. Fortunately, Brucie boy has got the right currency, and smokes his way through the jungle until he finds some good people to host him.
This is fascinating.
How ‘bout some bat brain?
Smoking is the number one social activity. Puff puff give jokahs! Get you a bamboo pipe and forget the filter.
This may seem crass, but these brown folks are my kinda people. They’ve chopped down a tree, extracted the sago, or “ bark” (for lack of correct terminology) and made some sweet drinking mixture out of it, too. That just goes to show that kool-aid, my friends, is universal.
This is a fine time to chime, Hakuna Matata, because maggots, fat ‘n juicy, are on the menu. Sago grubs. They chopped this tree down, right? Let it set there – that’s right, set – for three months or so to rot, and then they go back and get their grub on. He says it tasted like giant puss exploding in his mouth. Next comes wee worms that clean one’s ears.
Oh, and did I mention that they wear some rattan strips and a wee leaf to cover the male goods?
So we discover that cannibalism here is a form of tribal punishment. Evil people are the only ones who get killed and then eaten, and from what we’re able to deduce, just because you left, you’re not necessarily evil, so that perhaps explains how the guides were able to return. Evil people can come from within your tribe, from another clan or from somewhere else altogether.
As one Kombai man informed Bruce, if you come from his tribe, he would kill you but would give you to someone else to eat; if you came from another tribe, he’d kill you and then eat you.
Who’s up for a game of Red Rover? Anyone? Anyone?
Anyway, they believe the soul lies in the brain and the stomach, and by eating these parts, they get rid of the evil forever. He goes on to describe how they’d proceed to chop folk up and such, but I think I’ve squinted and flinched so hard that my ears got sucked inside my head.
After hearing their explanation for why they would eat someone, it surprises me that I’m not as shocked given their reason. It was certainly justified, and left me to wonder what in the hell I thought they’d eat people for anyway.
This just shows me that I still have a great propensity to be ignorant and revel in it. I heard the word “cannibal” and thought, savages, and then without even trying to think of reasons why they’d eat people, I just shrugged them off as plum crazy and blood thirsty.
Sidebar: Oh LAWD. They’ve wrapped up his wee wee and are attempting to invert it. They’re tryin’ to give the man a mangina (again, for lack of a better word) people. That’s a bit much. Oh this jokah is about to pass out. They rolled his foreskin and rolled “it” back in. This is what he says. Lordy, bless my soul.
Okay, in other news …
If I were a guide I’m not so sure I’d be up for leading people back to the tribe. They live in the jungle and can spot you from a ways, which I take to mean as you can be shot dead before you even get there.
But as it turns out these are warm and funny people. They are naturally curious about the camera and their belongings, and play to the camera beautifully. They are surprising expressive and communicative and open, which makes you feel touchier and feelier than any Brady Bunch episode we’ve got.
I’ve been immersed in the episode, so much so that I’m not sure if it was an hour or a half-hour, but it was fascinating. It’s a marathon. He’s off to hallucinogens in Gabon. Don’t be skerred, Bruce, don’t be skerred.