Thanks for seein' about a girl, friend. here's where I'm writing my own history—for you, for me and anyone else who needs to laugh to keep from cryin' every once in awhile.

I just want to see if I can in fact list 100 things about myself.

(I also want to see how many tangents this will generate... but maybe it'll open up the door for other posting topics?) 1. My Dad only calls me Woochie. (And let me tell you, having a nickname that has often easily been misconstrued as "hoochie" has made me quite the introvert.) 2. My Mom, known here as Mags, calls me Sapphire. (She always felt I was sassy enough to carry that nickname. For the longest time I observed myself figuring that the only blue thing about me was probably my soul.) 3. I still have my pair of hot pink Nikes with the Woochie tag on them. 4. My granny used to call me Dede. 5. Only 2 people call me Nita. 6. I have yet to work one job for an entire year. 7. I will drink Malibu with almost anything, especially Kool-Aid or Orange-Pineapple-Banana juice. 8. I love Pee Wee Herman -- the Playhouse series, Big Adventure and Big Top. 9. When I was 9, I spilled hot bbq sauce on my thigh and it left a scar that is now the size of my palm. It used to seem like the size of Siberia, but that was just because my thighs were a lot smaller then. 10. I really am shy ... and painfully awkward in social settings I find. 11. Although my mom thinks I have tremendous star potential (don't they all), and she readily references all of my (stellar) holiday recitations, endless quests to master various scales on the viola and sax as proof. (I'm beginning to think she's right, as it's all coming back to me now.) 12. I really can sing. 13. But I have not yet found a way to conquer that fear of actually singing in front of or for someone else. 14. I can still play a beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace on my harmonica. 15. This is my natural eye color. (Because even my optometrist asked me before my exam.) 16. Mags wouldn't take me to the dentist when I was younger because she was afraid he would insist on braces and she wanted me to keep my gap insisting that it'd set me apart and that plenty other good people had them. My aunt (also gapped) told her she was ridiculous, but I rather like it. 17. However, she wasn't thrilled with the editing I did to the gap when I failed to Knievel my way over a ditch and instead crashed into some cement piping thereby chipping the teeth. 18. I only went to sports camps -- volleyball and basketball. 19. At UNC's b-ball camp, I scored 23 points in the Dean Dome. I thought that was pretty special since MJs jersey was hanging in the rafters and all. 20. I misspelled "chasm" in the county spelling bee when I was in 5th grade. I still think there was a conspiracy because the next person SERIOUSLY got "handsome." 21. I now wear my 7th grade Math Counts t-shirt with pride. (Before it was the ugliest yellow I'd ever seen. I may've even called it Nerd Yeller at some point.) 22. I minored in Political Science. 23. I have never passed out. 24. I was voted Most Likely to Succeed in high school. As soon as I've determined whatever that success is, I'm sure I'll broadcast it. 25. I have no intentions of signing up for myspace. 26. I once encountered Jimmy Buffet in CVS in New Orleans and he a) eavesdropped on thought I was funny. 27. I own more Dave Matthews Band cds than any other musical artist in my collection. 28. I started driving on actual roadways - much to my mother's dismay - when I was 8. (Country livin' is great!) 29. I loved being a camp counselor (proud member of the Red clan!), and I miss it every summer. 30. I am loving my little natural hairdo these days. 31. I have a favorite song that I think of and play whenever I miss my dearest friends. 32. I still cry every time Mufasa dies and King Triton comes up from the sea to say goodbye to Ariel. 33. Today I gave Rachel a citation for her heart woes -- Seriously, I prescribed REO Speedwagon. Who am I? 34. I love being a Southern girl now more than I ever imagined I would've. 35. I need tennis lessons. Why? Because I'm really good and could benefit from some direction. 36. My car came with a matching white electric guitar. That's better than yar. And you can hear me tune it from afar because I can plug it into my car. Hey yo, I'm fidna be a rock star. 37. I am really good at rhyming (see #36). 38. Mrs. Rushie Sorrenti introduced me to the haiku in 7th grade and I have adored them ever since. 39. Pride & Prejudice is my favorite love story. 40. To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book. 41. I am a really good impersonator and am working on my impressions repertoire. 42. I also could probably sing tenor in somebody's choir, which both amuses and frightens me. 43. I can draw Donald Duck from memory. He is almost always angry though. 44. I speak very little French and even less Spanish, but I am enthusiastic. 45. My lone regret is not studying abroad. 46. I can pick out a tune by ear on the piano and I suspect the guitar (although I have to tune the dern thing first, which means I have to buy a new string because I already popped one). 47. If I am in New Orleans and you offer me any food, I will eat it. No questions asked. 48. Louisiana is the farthest I've gone "west." 49. I love studying and reading about European royalty. (This all stems from me being holed up in Mrs. Buchanan's house one Sunday while my mom tidied house. She played Queen Elizabeth's coronation video and I was hooked.) 50. I hope to one day live abroad for at least a year. 51. I swear I am going to try to do Teach for America. 52. My first job was coaching recreational volleyball. 53. Had I been born a boy my name would've been Thurston Delaine. 54. I love watching Oldies music roundups and Doo Wop specials on PBS, but like Nikki, I hate it when I'm interrupted by those kind PBSers who're asking me to donate $120 to watch what I'm already trying to and would be watching. 55. I am finally actually living on my own and I'm loving it so far. 56. I can cook for me, but the thought of cooking to someone else's taste makes me very nervous. 57. I am a writer who really can't get it together. 58. I think I need the structure of grad school. 59. One time I was so drunk I seriously threw up in a trashcan on an NYC sidewalk mid-stride and kept walking. 60. After a night of drinking, I sound JUST LIKE Barry White in the morning. 61. Would it be horribly cliche for me to use this slot to say, "I am a really spiritual person?" 62. I seriously am, though. 63. I love making people newsletters, liner notes and cards with Microsoft Publisher. 64. Tool factor tendencies aside, I really do love me some John Mayer. And track #8 on each of his cds is always very good fuh me. 65. #64 comes as a direct result of my no longer denying what really has to be true, because why else would I own 2 Mayer t-shirts and a seriously wonderful Jagger-esque scarf? 66. I am not a tool. 67. I am not a tool because I am black and quite frankly I've already exhausted the allowable use of the word "tool" as permitted to black folk. 68. I still believe that I lost the election for 9th grade president because Jeff Duncan said "Awesomemest" and the PJHSers were afraid to yield to my black power :) 69. The other day as I was workin' it out on the elliptical the following came back to me just like it was yesterday and I was caught running; running 'till Coach McKinney got tired: "Everywhere we go (Everywhere we go)! People wanna know (People wanna know)! Who we are (Who we are)! Where we come from (Where we come from)! So we tell them (So we tell them)! We are the Gold Wave (We are the Gold Wave)! Mighty mighty Gold Wave (Mighty mighty Gold Wave)!" 70. I downloaded Number Munchers a week ago. Such a fantastic game. 71. When I was about 14, my bro-in-law's little brother David and I stayed up for nearly 30 hours playing NBA Jams on SEGA! He was Kemp to my Schrempf and we. were. on. fiyah! (We were also high on hot chocolate and kool-aid.) 72. I believe in lotion and it's awesome moisturizing properties and I believe that everyone can benefit from its good use. 73. One time when I was little I put vaseline all over myself because I was tired of my sister calling me ashy. Yeah, I went outside in the summer sun and I swear I was blacker than the tar on the street in less than an hour. But I wasn't ashy anymore. 74. I have a long tongue. 75. I love watching Inside the Actor's Studio. I want to be on that show. 76. I have never dyed my hair. 77. I absolutely love a manual transmission, and I love that I can handle one. 78. My English accent is better than Madonna's. 79. I love muscadines in the late summertime. 80. One of my absolute favorite places to be: Camp Glen Arden in Tuxedo, NC 81. I could never decide on a varsity basketball number. I was 5, 10 and 25 82. My varsity volleyball number was 16. 83. We so should've won state my senior year. 84. What do Gloria Steinem, Bill Clinton, Peyton Manning, Francis Ford Coppola and myself have in common? We are all members of Phi Beta Kappa. 85. I am the Empress of Fried Okra. 86. I cannot double dutch. 87. But I am exceptionally fond of hop scotch. 88. I am also fond of scotch, increasingly so. 89. I have tabs on my Bible because I need them. 90. Cream of Wheat is one of my favorite breakfast foods. 91. Thanks to the crappy way Philly folk drive on the whole, my being older than 25 no longer translates to lower car insurance. This is a serious bummer. 92. Once, I laughed so hard that my nose bled. 93. When I finally saw "When Harry Met Sally" I couldn't help but wonder if that had already happened to me ... (eh, regrets, I've had a few, but thankfully too few to mention...) 94. Yes, it was me who read (aloud, mind you) that the great (perhaps greatest) King of France was Lou-ee Ziv ... he who also happened to be more widely known as Lou-ee the fourteenth. But whatever. 95. I have been told that I should consider becoming a preacher. 96. My doctor told me to be mindful of the genes -- specifically the breast cancer-gettin', alcoholic-prone ones. 97. I feel that my knowledge of lite rock is inversely proportional to my age or something. If you ask me what the hottest band is right now or the most popular songs, I could not tell you, but let me hear the first three bars of any Rod Stewart, Elton John, Phil Collins, Billy Ocean, Journey, James Taylor or Carole King and I will take you there, my friend. I will sing that song like I wrote that shit. 98. Though I know they are bad, I love me some cuss words. 99. I prefer potatoes and/or cheese to cake and/or candy. 100. I have never watched Grease and I don't think I ever will be able to stand it.

Because I'm sensual like that.

Random bits.