- The season has ended and heads rolled, but honestly? Showtime's The Tudors? Straight up Pimps & Hos (Circa 1500s). Now Henry VIII definitely goes down as Pimp Almighty. I think even Snoop Dogg and Bishop Don Magic Juan would give that joker his due. But Anne Boleyn's daddy? OOoooh we. Monster pimpin'. He just kept uppin' the ante on the girl -- first it was beguile him. Here's yo' mama's jewelry. Dress it up a bit. You know, dance with the man. Be friendly. Smile. Only look at him. Look purty and stay visible. The King likes you! He gives you a trinket. Daddy says to play it cool, she sends it back. Sassy. Then it was lick him, but don't let him lick you back. Show 'im a li'l shoulder skin, but save the good stuff. Sit on his lap. Talk to him 'bout that first wife of his. Show him a li'l leg and make sure you let him touch it. Soft ain't it?
She finally married the jokah and it was all about giving the King a son. Birth a daughter? Trick, you better tighten that corset some more. King got a wanderin' eye? Well I suggest you wander into his line of sight at all times. Oh, shut in because you're about to birth a baby? Find a not-too-pretty chick and send her to the King. Baby stillborn. Anne sees it slippin' away, her daddy snatches her by the face and essentially tells her to make that money. She can't do it. The King has rolled on to the next corner. See him somethin' real purty and blonde and not-so-damn bossy. Anne is through and the Tower of London awaits. Her head fidna get chopped off. What does her daddy do? Shrugs and lies his tail off denyin' errything. "Ain't my head. Let that heifer die."
- By a show of comments (since I won't be able to see if you've raised your hands -- Point! Cpt. Obvious!), have you ever been at a funeral and held hostage near a casket as someone gives you their business pitch complete with card AND brochure? (I'm telling you now that I'll be regarding the zero comments as proof that nobody's family functions quite like mine and not that no one reads this page anymore.)
- Pudding pops. Anyone else missin' 'em like I'm missin' 'em? I might have to e-mail Bill Cosby or sumpin'. Honestly. Everything comes back around -- neon colors, jelly shoes, side ponytails, wide-leg high-waisted pants, bermuda shorts (aka culottes, pedal pushers or my favorite JAMS!), New Kids on the Block ... everything comes back. So why not the
? Now I know you're going to tell me that they have been brought back under the Popsicle label. This is bunk. Twice I gave in and bought a box figuring, "Well it says Jell-o, so it's gotta taste just like they're s'posed to, right?"Nah, not right. Not impressive or satisfying at all. I tasted each flavor and found that the chocolate was aight, the vanilla was good 'n bland, but worst of all the swirl -- my reason for divin' in the freezer as a child -- wasn't anything like I remembered! I pride myself on my highly vivid, rather accurate memory and the creaminess of the swirl, the not-too-sweetness -- these things are missing. However, the texture is dern close, along with the way the freezer burn crystals add a delightful little crunch after a few days in the freezer.
Anyway, I miss taking an ice cream break that had me tearing through the box dumping the vanilla and chocolate pops by the wayside as I searched for the coveted swirl. (As far as I was concerned, the box was done as soon as the last swirl pop was eaten.) I miss tearing the wrapper off and having that first lick followed by the first melting drop on my thumb. I've never been able to eat ice cream quickly enough. But most of all I miss being 'bout halfway done, taking a long lick with a lip-smack followed by my attempt to make this face:
- Boy, let me tell you! I go on vacation and Starbucks becomes an expense (discounted, but still an expense). This past weekend, I visited five different locations. On top of playing "Let's find one on Kim's GPS system!" I was in that piece two to three times a day. Hab mercy. I damn near tried every category of drinks: tea (African Red Bush), coffee misto, iced caramel macchiato, chai frappacino, toffee nut latte, doubleshot on ice, tea misto, blended strawberry lemonade.
I'mma close for now because my next bullet was with regards to family and would take this post's mood in an entirely different, brooding direction. All I can say, bittersweetly, is, "What goes around comes around."
