I've lost the clipping and I don't even remember where I read it or when, but the blurb was talking about impressions that we give off and whether or not we're perceived how we imagine ourselves to be perceived. There are times when I think "what you see is what you get" captures me completely, but those thoughts are undermined each time someone tells me to "Smile!" because apparently I look really mean sometimes. So here goes. I'mma try to list 20 things that I think I am, and I'm going to ask that you respond however you see fit whether it's by drafting your own list or merely dissecting the one that I've created.
1. I will find humor in anything and I will laugh about it.
2. I take it and take it and take it and then I vent/ramble/complain -- a lot.
3. I always try to be encouraging.
Okay, already struggling so I'mma have to rely on the ol' elementary standby ...
4. D: Determined.
5. A: Anti-social at times.
6. N: Negligent with the phone calls. (I am, however, working to remedy this, but 'tis a process)
7. I: Imaginative.
8. T: Terrible gossip/smack-talker.
9. A: Assured that deep down, despite all the complaining and the woe-is-me attitude most often on display, the glass for me is really half-full.
10. I (apparently) have elements of my personality that make it almost certain that I will marry a man who is not necessarily black. *Do expound on this.
11. I am a dreamer.
12. I am quite loquacious.
13. With regards to #12, I will talk it up, but am less likely to confront an offender on an issue (unless I've reached the point of no return whereupon ...)
14. I will cry when: I laugh deliriously; I get really angry and ready to confront someone and cannot find a pen and paper to handle the confrontation on my behalf; I say hello or goodbye at an airport.
15. I am generous to a fault (that's entirely my own). Example: If I'm down to my last dollar and you needed it, I'd give it to you and eat the end pieces of my bread loaf, drive with the windows down in 90+ degree heat and whatever else I'd have to sacrifice until the next payday. Have absolutely done that before.
16. At this point in my life I believe profanity actually does illuminate conversation, and it definitely adds the right dose of humor and/or humility when aptly applied. An expletive solidly groaned has a way of leveling reality -- The patrolman eases up behind you and throws on those blue lights ... "shhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyiiiiiiiiit" and "oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" can totally settle you.
17. I have not yet been in love and I'm acutely aware of this with every spring and autumn that passes.
18. Even when I played basketball, my follow through was a problem. This metaphor highlights my lack of follow through with the following: writing "career/aspirations," exercise & diet regime, visiting people.
19. My face at its resting position is the face that always elicits the "Smile, girl!" commands. Ironically, this is also the face that I wear when I'm feeling like the world is good. I cannot help that the full, pouty lips that I love aren't naturally upturned or straight at the corners.
20. I am struggling with finding ways, strategies and mechanisms other than fidgeting to overcome the wincing, teeth-grinding awkwardness I take on when I'm being "social."