Thanks for seein' about a girl, friend. here's where I'm writing my own history—for you, for me and anyone else who needs to laugh to keep from cryin' every once in awhile.

Pick a number, any number, and tell me ...

Song(s) that typify your work life:

  • "Under Pressure” by Bowie & Queen -- Particularly the crescendo portion towards the end … “That’s the terror of knowing what this world is about, watchin’ good friends scream ‘Let me out!’” 
  • "Not Today" by Jump, Little Children -- I always think of it fondly when I sip my morning java/tea and try to exhale as I survey pages that once again have been left OUTside my INbox. I like to hear that song in my head, full volume, as Jay sings, "I'm sure someone would hear me if I screamed - Nah nah nah nah nah nah NAH!"
  • "Tom's Diner" by Suzanne Vega -- For the repetitive quality that all those "duhs" provide. Also, because I tend to notice things about co-workers that are very reminiscent of how Suzanne noticed that lady "itching up her skirt." (Not that I see people picking wedgies or anything, but different things ...)
  • "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones -- Because, seriously, do you think this is what I want?
  • "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" by The Beatles -- Because life does, in fact, go on.

Song(s) you bloody hated as a child:

  • Jimmy Crack Corn. 
  • Father Abraham.

Song(s) that (almost) never fail to make you cry:

  • "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler -- It just cannot be helped. I don't care how cheesy you may think that song is; it wonderfully expresses how I feel about my mother, and you can say something about that woman if you want to, but believe me, you don't want me to smack the shit out of you. I hit hard.
  • "Soul Serenade" by King Curtis -- Because I close my eyes and I can see my dad, young, wide-eyed, probably scared, looking out of the sides of the helicopter upon the jungle below wondering if he could ever go home again ... and I open my eyes and realize that he probably thought he could, but in all actuality, he couldn't.
  • "His Eye Is On the Sparrow" -- Every time I hear this song waves wash over me right at the "I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free" part and it's just the warmest, most amazing feeling ever.

Song(s) that make you remember exactly where you were when you first heard them:

  • "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" by Wham! -- I am five again, picking up all the pieces to Hi Ho Cheerio from the floor. I am dumping them hurriedly into a box as I race to catch up with Kim who is leaving to go to the store without me -- without me! Oh, how I desperately needed some candy.
  • "(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher" by Jackie Wilson -- I first recognized this song in the back seat of my mom's ol' two-tone blue Maverick. It sounded just like that song that was on the Ghostbusters movie when the Statue of Liberty was walking through the streets of New York, operated by the same trusty controller that my Nintendo used. It was a significant Aha! moment for me in my youth.

Song(s) you need in order to make that drive worthwhile:

  • "#41" by the Dave Matthews Band
  • Til the Sun Turns Black by Ray LaMontagne -- That whole album is quality, but I definitely need to hear "Empty" and "Three More Days."
  • "3x5," "Clarity" and "Neon" by John Mayer
  • "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag," "Night Train," "Livin' In America" and any assortment of other songs by James Brown -- Because if you're gonna be caught drummin' on your steering wheel, it helps if you actually have somethin' funkin' on to help "Make It Funky," know'm sayin'?
  • "Burn Rubber" and "Party Train" by The Gap Band

Song(s) you heard and thought, "Gee I've heard that before ...":

  • "Tears On My Pillow" by Little Anthony and the Imperials and New Edition -- The former was the first full-sized album I was ever allowed to handle (because I was clumsy) and I remember being oh-so-careful with it as I placed it on the record player and gently lowered the needle down with my face like 2 centimeters away from the record itself. Kim was a NE fanatic and I remember hearing their version, along with "Earth Angel" (yay Karate Kid 2 shout out!) and a couple of other songs and realizing that my mom was right, "Everything old does become new again." I was just hoping that none of that applied to any of Kim's old clothes.

* * * * * * 

Well that concludes that fun foray. I have work to do -- suddenly. Well, not so much suddenly as the interruptions by one person in particular (as there is always that one, you know) have just totally set my mind in another direction.

So now I give you the contents of my hot-off-the-presses totally one-sided convo with Rachel (even though it totally looks like I was talking to myself:

Wonktastic (1:52:21 PM): yah
Wonktastic (1:52:24 PM): i got interrupted
Wonktastic (1:52:25 PM): of course.
Wonktastic (1:52:34 PM): by someone
Wonktastic (1:52:35 PM): clucker*
Wonktastic (1:52:42 PM): who was all, do you mind if i sift through the mail
Wonktastic (1:52:45 PM): and then she sifts right
Wonktastic (1:52:52 PM): and there are 3 items that have her name on them
Wonktastic (1:52:55 PM): but she doesn't take those
Wonktastic (1:52:58 PM): those i have to bring to her
Wonktastic (1:53:00 PM): wtf?
Wonktastic (1:53:07 PM): today. she has been workin' that nerve
(I made some edits b.c lj didn't really seem to be feelin' the color block scheme.)

Wonktastic (1:55:18 PM): she needn't come over here again
Wonktastic (1:55:25 PM): she's only been coming when someone has been talking to me, too
Wonktastic (1:55:53 PM): and then she's all
Wonktastic (1:56:09 PM): "hate to bust up the little party, but i need to give danita more work."
Wonktastic (1:56:16 PM): and then after the 2-second long awkward silence
Wonktastic (1:56:36 PM): "ah, SIIIIIIIIIIIIGH, i feel like i've been buggin' you all day i've been over here so much."
Wonktastic (1:56:41 PM): which is followed by just mere silence
Wonktastic (1:56:45 PM): no longer awkward
Wonktastic (1:57:07 PM): as the "like" in that previous statement is purely operative

* Clucker is a code name. (So far I only really have two code names because there are only two people that have inspired them.) She is called "Clucker" not so much because I work with a bunch of women who could be referred to as "the Hens," but because she acts as though she is the hen. She is the busiest person, far too busy on any given day to actually have to do the work that she is there to do. Of course none of us, myself chiefly included, are e'er too busy for the Internet, which is constantly located at the bottom of all our taskbars awaiting our maximized attention, but I digress, sort of, as she is one of the main ones to protest the amount of work and have a shopping site open for all to see -- and we all do see as she is centrally located on a main thoroughfare.

Anyways, I call this person Clucker, chiefly because ... I guess her clothes don't fit like she wants them to so there is some flapping of the arm if you will. Not rapid chicken-tryin'-to-fly-the-coop flappin' but like chicken-settlin'-down-on-roost flappin'. Intermittent flapping. Kinda at the pace of the first setting on your windshield wipers. Every four seconds or so her elbow pops out and there's a shifting of the spine. 

But we all have our tics. 

And you know I could go on with my observations, but I will save them for some other time ... Danita has more work to do. 

(Insert your finest image of me smiling like the smartass I am here.)

I know, but gimme a couple days to get back into the swing of things ...

Hear how it'll all play out here.