Earlier today my good friend*girl said to me about an email that I sent her: "Lol that was a great email so I really hope you post something about the ama’s. That was too good and so right." Well, I hadn't planned on it, but then I realized: "Danita girl, what are you doing? Free time in abundance, might as well post something!" I'd been meaning to, but I hadn't been able to think of anything to post about. It figures though; I normally find something to write about when I'm supposed to be busy doing something else. My point? I ain't doin' nothing and that's not really busy per se, so I'd been figuring I didn't have anything to post about. You know, this writing thing, it takes discipline and I ain't no kinda Marine.
Anyway, without further ado, I'm callin' on my girl Mary J. (from "Family Affair"):
Let's get it crunk, we gon' have fun Up on in this dancerie We got ya open, now ya floatin' So you gots to dance for me Don't need no hateration, holleratin' In this dance for me Let's get it percolatin', while you're waiting So just dance for me
I know we don't NEED no hateration, but I'm open and I'm floatin' so I gots to get the observations percolatin'...
So last night I nodded through the American Music Awards. The TV was on and I intended to watch the dern show, but it was so boring and dull that I had some trouble concentrating. (And y'all know how I love me some awards shows, and for me to be bored is really saying something.) I just wanted to share some of my comments on the show, and see what y'all thought if you watched it and wondered like I did, "Lawd, where is we headed?"
DISCLAIMER: I told y'all I was noddin' so a lot of stuff I missed; some of the following might not seem in context or ill-informed or whatever. I'm just callin' it like I saw it (through half-open eyelids and all).
First off, let me go ahead and say a prayer for Anna Nicole Smith: Heavenly father, just look out for her, Lord. Please help that chile - sava Lawd! - and continue to love her fuh she know not what she be doin'. Amen.
I mean really, lord-a-mercy is all I can say. It's just sad. It's the same sad i felt when they made fun of her on her show, because I mean, what sort of people does she have around her that (obviously) support her making a fool of herself at every given opportunity? I wonder what her son thinks. Poor lad. She is just wild. Also, I didn't see Diana Ross but I heard she had a spazzed out moment, too.
And you heard it from me: There oughta be a law! that says: Ain't no bubbly in the champagne room! Meaning, no alcohol in the green room for folks that treat rehab clinics like Extended Stay Americas.
Hateration alert!
Numbah two, and chile, I hate to even give the boy any more attention, but I gotsta say it because his people done blowed him up so big he couldn't even fit down Broadway for the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade!
Usher. Before I gets it rollin', let me just admit that I still bump my Yeah! whenever I need to get it going on the treadmill. That's a quality jam y'all; it's just a damn good song. But beyond that (and "You don't have to call" from a couple years back) I cannot seem to stop myself from saying how much I do not like Usher. I just can't say it enough. I just feel like his head is already big enough, for real! The constant hearing and seeing of Usher, well it just makes me want to scream and throw something. I am trying to figure out where this aversion comes from because it feels allergic, but I cannot figure it out. I just know that I'm not the only one feeling it and that is a relief because I don't know who told him he was fine, our greatest next generation entertainer or whatever, but they have really done us a disservice and I hope they're at least getting paid for the overkill they're putting us through.
Don't get me wrong, I think we all want a guy (or girl) with confidence and everything, but he's like, "These are my confessions: I cheated/I can't help myself/I have to look in the mirror because damn I look so good/She's got a baby comin' on the way/Damn I shouldn't have hit that but she was there/She was hot/She's my boo-ooh/And i am so hot/Let it burn, let it burn/I'm so hot/Hotter than chili/Pour some water on me and my abs/Watch my nose grow like a black pinocchio/I can dance/Break it/A-town down/Shatter the glass and dance like I'm Michael Jackson/Because I am usher and these are my confessions..."
I wish he'd usher his tail on some where and take a seat. Ugh. Enough already! It's making me nauseous, lol.
Also, the show was rife with technical difficulties. Pamela Anderson was reading and then busted out with a "hey, who's talking?" because some dude's voice was just a-chattin' while she was trying to read and present. Jon Bon Jovi was thanking everybody and it sounded like somebody was spraying hairspray in a microphone looped over his speech. Apparently Mayer appeared in black and white and Maroon 5's performance was lookin' a bit like somebody woke up Sunday morning after a hard night o' drinkin'.
And who writes this friggin' banter between these people? Kathy Griffin, was she trying to out Clay Aiken or what? Why do they think it'd be cool to put Macy Gray with Brooks and Dunn? Not that it wasn't cool, but why are we lead to believe that it has to BE cool? Like you see them come out and suddenly you say to yourself, "Damn! Brooks and Dunn are cool, comin' out there representin' with Macy Gray! I'm 'on buy their album!"
No.
Keep it relevant people, keep it relevant. I know the show was on ABC and all, but don't you hate it when awards shows are on a certain network and we have to wonder what Nicolette Sheridan and Eva Longoria (whom I love, she rocks that show!) have to do with honoring Bon Jovi's career achievements? And Jimmy Kimmel may be funny to somebody, somewhere, but why did he host the show? I'm not advocating the man from the music association of america or whoever (you know, one of those middle-aged guys who come out in a tux in virtually every awards show to give us the "privacy policy-like/about us" speech), but he just seemed like an awfully available option - well, he works at abc so let's use someone from abc, guys. Not to say that whoever hosts a show has to BE a musician, but that isn't such a novel idea is it? I mean, we're all music lovers of course, but maybe it'd be cool to have the musicians do the honors or whatever. Skip the "hosting" thing altogether, you know? Just let the rock stars fete and toast their peers instead of limiting the mutual respect to speeches where "gee, it's really just great to be in the same category with you guys. i share this award with you all..."
Shyeah, whatever. Why don't you just gussy up and get up on stage and represent. I think it'd make great, hilarious television (read: ENTERTAINMENT!!!). C'mon, tell me you wouldn't LOVE to have Gretchen Wilson give her "Hell yeah!" with Li'l Jon? And a Toby Keith, Janet Jackson union could be shockin' us all, indeed, eh? I mean, who knows? maybe a Macy Gray - Brooks & Dunn union could actually be cool if they just skipped the poorly written prompters and gave us a ditty: I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to walk away and I stumble and so I get down, turn around, go to town boot scootin' boogie...
Yeah, that could be cool =)