There are several signs-o'-the-times that are making me nervous today: The fact that I got so pissed off at two handfuls of peanuts that I refused to eat them. They should be sad about being excluded from my tummy tum-tum, but instead they na-na-na-boo-boo me from the safe confines of a Ziploc. Why am I continuously exasperated by inanimate objects, you ask? Because these effers are still in their shells! I can't even say they're childproof because I can clearly remember enjoying the act of shellin' 'em as a child. Apparently my back-in-the-day motor skills are infinitely superior to those I have today. I looked like Edward-bloody-Scissorhands trying to crack one damn shell. And let me tell you, the lack of satisfaction I felt from nibbling the one half-nut that I did greedily get has left me undone. I almost hee-hawed like an actual ass it made me so fiendishly angry. So eff protein and sensible snacking. My cholestorol's high anyway.
The fact that people (of all colors) continue to stake all kinds of freedom of speech claims on the all-too-libertarian use of the "N-word." For the record, I hate typing "N-word" just as much as I despise that actual word itself. Also, I wasn't exactly thrilled about the NAACP funeralizing it, but now I'm thinking they should've been more audacious about putting it out of all of our miseries. Maybe they should've spelled it out with some sticks in front of headquarters and 'hoods across America and simultaneously set them all on fire. The Great Burnout. Perhaps that'd grab enough of the virulent attention we'd need to redirect the conversation surrounding that epithet and allow it to die an actual ashes-to-ashes death.
The fact that I apparently went to college so I can spend entire mornings squinting at a .txt file in friggin' Notepad.
The fact that I even know what Notepad is and how to locate it in Windows.
The fact that our political system, as a whole, has seemingly adopted a "Damned if we do, damned if we don't" attitude about every major and minor issue that ruptures the lives of more and more Americans each and every day.
The fact that the lyrics from "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" essentially, unfortunately sum up the news industry. People actually now believe half of what they hear and none of what they see. I can't help being confused either.
The fact that freedom of religion has caveats. The entire country apparently needs to take a field trip to Plymouth Rock.