Earlier today, I received a most insightful survey.
2. I've come to realize that when I talk: my intonations are all over the place.
3. I've come to realize that, when I love someone: too easily I take them for granted.
4. I've come to realize that I need: someone who’ll push me to be better.
5. I've come to realize that I've lost: my ambition.
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when: I’ve spoken without thinking about my words beforehand.
7. I've come to realize that money: is not-so-easy to come, but very easy to go.
8. I've come to realize that people: are just as awkward as I am.
9. I've come to realize that I'll always be: a bit different and that’s fine.
10. I've come to realize that I love spending my time with: my friends.
11. I've come to realize that the last time I cried I was: overwhelmed.
12. I've come to realize that my cell phone is: under-used
13. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning: I was already regretting the fact that I hadn’t gotten up sooner.
14. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night: saying my prayers really helps ease the heart and mind.
15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about: how I’m going to get myself on a good track and stay there.
16. I've come to realize that babies: should be desired rather than expected.
17. I've come to realize that when I get on Myspace: I should think about deleting some of the people who post 18 bulletins per hour.
18. I've come to realize that today I will: need to drink plenty of water.
19. I've come to realize that tonight I will: wonder how the evening passed so quickly!
20. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will: be so thankful it is Friday.
21. I've come to realize that the last person I kissed: probably doesn’t even remember me. (I might as well be a dern nun.)
22. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is: likely to be as bored as I am.
Since finishing this exercise, I've returned to thinking a lot about myself and my current situation -- namely, the job.
Last night I saw Chris Rock live and it was great. It was my first live comedy experience, and I enjoyed watching him pace the stage talking so casually. I found myself wondering, "How does he do it? Is he not thirsty yet? Does he ever forget what he's going to say next? How does he remember how everything flows together? How does he come up with this stuff? Hilarious."
It wasn't awe, but there was a great amount of wonder, and as I sat there and sit here now I realize that I'm doing what I spend too much time doing: wondering.
I am not a doer.
There, I said it. It sounds lame and maybe it actually is lame, but damn. I didn't think I was the Hemmer/Hawwer, but I am ... or rather, I have become one. Have I been anywhere? Not really. Written anything? Not in a long time.
This was very troubling once I counted up all of the "I'm gonnas" and realized that each one had a "comma but" attached to it. Sad. What about guitar lessons? French lessons? The (dreadful) GRE? Europe?
It's like I need someone to motivate me, but who has time for that and I should be able to do that for myself. So where is my desire?
During his routine, Chris Rock (you really have to say both names) talked about having a career versus having a job. It wasn't as if I wasn't aware that I just have a job, but when he said it and I found myself laughing, it was as though I had just acknowledged the truth in that statement. Here's how you can tell the difference, in case you were wondering:
If you play the Time Game, you have a job.
For example, the Time Game is where you look at your to-do list and go, "Alright. Filing. Might as well go ahead and get that crap out of the way. Ah, let's see. I'll take this stack and head to the cabinet." You start filing and you immediately say to yourself -- even though you have it in your mind about how long this is going to take -- "Okay. No looking at the clock. I've got plenty here to do. This should take me until lunch to finish, maybe a bit before then."
You start filing. One stack's done, the next stack begins ... as you bend and squat and tuck and straighten and suck on the paper cuts, you start to feel tired; maybe your back gets that special tired, achy feeling. You lean back into the stretch, pushing back your shoulders, exhaling a deep breath from your broadly stretched chest. "Man, this sucks," you think to yourself. Stack three gets done. "It sure is dusty around here, " so you might as well dust. Tidy everything up since it'll likely be another 4 months before you do any more filing -- because you know, you love it that much.
Stack 4 is done and you decide to take a break because you look at your fingers and realize that a year or so from now when an auditor needs to view that file, he's gonna be pretty disgusted to find them blood spattered. So you shuffle back to your desk, whip out the band-aids and sigh, "That was a lot of work. You know what? I deserve a break."
Stupidly, you look at the clock:
It's only been 30 minutes. It's 9:48 a.m. You don't leave until 5:30. Busted.
As for the people that have a career, Rock noted that their "Time" Game consists of them looking at the clock and simply saying, "Huh. Where on earth did my day go? Goodness. I could use 8 more hours!"
Short game for them, huh?
