Incredible. I struggle to find the words for all of the items found on Pantalaine's website, but I assure you I'm going to try to find some because that couch dress?!
(Yeah, you read that correctly. Couch and dress. Together. Giving new meaning perhaps to the phrase, "Let me just throw something on." Get it? THROW. I have got to start getting paid for this kind of funny, I swear.)
So, you can't buy any of these goods on the site. I am wondering if these are even real -- they're so laughable I keep thinking it's a joke. And while I had a great time when I visited Indiana, the landscape alone kinda lets you know that ain't too much going on. So, if you ever find yourself in South Bend ...
But back to the picture above. "Sweat-heart" indeed. It looks like they're tangled in their friggin' bedsheets and decided to go for a walk. And what's up with that piece in the hood? Is it the "I can't look at you right now" piece? The "Your breath is so stank right now" piece? Or is it a special confessional tool, if you will -- "Forgive me, Lover, for I have sinned. I shall commence to admire your profile from my periphery, as this handy hood feature will allow ... Anyway. Sinning. I hope you don't mind but this arm I've got to wrap around your shoulder? Yeah, the pit? No deodorant, so, um, I'd avoid the hoodie part if I were you."
Another awesome product?
Please note its cream color. Nothing says "I love you" quite like a dingy lookin' straitjacket, right? Right? Can you imagine getting into this with someone?! I mean, what's wrong with a good ol' fashioned game of Twister?
I gotta give it to the folks at ol' Pantalaine though. There's something for everyone (who possibly never wants to be single, solitary, or ... alone ever).
Who needs every kiss to begin with Kay, or some dipwad to tell you that "he went to Jared"? There are better ways to express one's devotion. How 'bout by being cotton-, rayon-, and/or rubber-bound to the one you most adore?
(Yes, rubber. Thankfully of the non-lube variety.)
So, for all you lovers out there, make this the year you spice up the ol' love life. Forget the chocolates and the roses and that other predictable stuff. I for one can't think of anything better to show off your 2-Become-1-ness. So swap smug for snug and hug it out ...
