"And teacher,There are things That I still have to learn..."
I would admit that for reasons I've not fully uncovered, I am risk-avoidant. I like comfort, and have become quite comfortable with familiarity even as the over-achiever loaded down inside me urges me to rage against complacency.
I feel a lot like Simba in a way. I went away for a while, ashamed that I didn't do what I thought I was supposed to do or could've and should've done. I've spent some time whiling away hours and days, caring too much to be carefree, while all along I could hear myself saying, "Remember..."
...remember who you are; remember all the things you've wanted to be; remember all the places you promised yourself you'd go everytime you waved goodbye to someone else leaving the airport or driving away; remember the things you promised yourself that you would work for and work to do.
Rafiki, in the ever-changing forms of family members and friends, has been dancing around me, squashing bananas and taunting me. But there are things that I still have to learn, and so off into the world I shall go and seek... and find.
It's everything but officially official: I'm going to New York City.
To work. And to play, and to sightsee and all, but definitely to work.
"WHAT?!" asks Lil Jon incredulously.
"I've been offered a position in the Executive Training Program at a public relations firm smack dab in New Yowk City beby," I say smilingly.
"YEAH!" Lil Jon says with an annointing dip of his magic blinging juice cup.
"Uh huh. That's what I'm sayin'. Baby girl fidna loosen up her jaw and see what the Big Apple taste like. I got things to try and do, ya feelin' me?"
"WELL OKAY!" says Lil Jon with a clap and a blinding smile. "LET'S GO!"
There are still quite a few things swirling about in the air right now. I only got the good news Friday, and so a lot of things have to be settled before I can actually get there and all. Just know that it's my hope that one day I'll be one of those people who say for sure that, "Yeah, I left home with just a wee bit of something in my pocket, but I did it."
That's how I feel right now. I mean, there are always odds, but like any other young hopeful, I'm bucking against them and I honestly feel that my chances are more favorable than others. Why? Well, gee, you all know why because y'all are the ones who've been telling me I could do it this whole time anyway, so enough preaching to the choir =)
For now I'm just trying to be calm and positive because I truly count this as a blessing. This is an opportunity for me to do what I most love to do: learn, work hard and have fun. And this is an opportunity for me to do the things that I love in a place that allows (if not requires) one to do each of those things. This is probably the hardest thing I've yet to do, and while that scares me, I totally believe it's worth it.
(By the way, this post is more or less a continuation of sorts to the comment I posted earlier this evening on Rachel's page. So for more insights, go to her page and check all of it out. Mind you, be sure to read her post as my comments are, duh, comments on what she wrote in the first place.)
I know I've been saying and praying for a long while now that some changes were coming my way, and at this moment, that looks to be the case. I just hope I actually do go, because right now the suspension of disbelief is highly in effect - it hasn't sunk in yet that I've been offered a position in NYC, so I'm mostly smiling sheepishly like Gomer Pyle while looking around waiting for the sky to fall...
But yeah, I just felt like sharing this with all of you because it's important to me that you share in this process. After all, were it not for your unwavering affection and support, for your listening all these years and most of all, for your seeing in me what so many times I was unable and unwilling to see in myself, I would never have found the courage to submit the application. So, know now that the blessings that are already here and on their way are yours in which to share as well.
Hakuna Matata =)