Thanks for seein' about a girl, friend. here's where I'm writing my own history—for you, for me and anyone else who needs to laugh to keep from cryin' every once in awhile.

My Dear Interns, 4 Points of Advice

I'm writing this post because it's been in draft status for at least 6 semesters, and y'all job applicants just need to know. Somebody who likes you just needs to tell you. Every time I start the intern interviewing process I see the same stuff and I go bonkers. Enough. This is for interns or externs or anyone on the job hunt. This is me helping you help you. For folks seekin' some gainful employment, these--as its been exhaustively documented--are hard times. Be you pimp, teacher or college graduate, it's hard out here. Which is why you should know that giving extra now actually stretches beyond one mile; it really gets you closer to, say, eight. Still, you've only got one shot to make the kind of impression that'll compel a hiring manager to make you an offer you can't refuse. One.

Here are some of my suggestions for making that one shot count:

Ask someone you trust/admire/respect to review your resume and cover letter. I know, I know. You're applying to almost every opening you see because that's the job world we're living in right now, but somehow somewhere your resume will eventually make that swim upstream to someone's desk, and when it does ain't nobody gonna have time for a resume with 3 different fonts, 4 type sizes, hijacked margins and typos. If you have good pubic relations experience, I'm going to guess you'd do best in the realm of self-employment.

Also, in the world of Google and LinkedIn, there's really no reason for you to ever address a cover letter with "Dear Sir/Madam." I don't care if you put the CEO's name on it and you wind up talking to the person who is 14 rungs down the ladder from him, put a name next to that "Dear."

Read your resume and cover letter 2 ways. First, read them aloud. Then read them backwards--aloud or silently. Either way, be on the lookout for anything funky that jumps out at you. Does that action verb sound a little too pretentious? Hit Shift + F7 (in MS Word) and rendezvous with the thesaurus. Does it seem odd that 3 of your bullets have periods and the rest don't? Decide whether you want punctuation or not and apply it consistently throughout the rest of your resume.

If you don't have anyone you can trust, ask me. I've been fortunate enough to have friends and co-workers help me, so I'm happy to pay it back and forward.

Interviewing over the phone? Smile. Smile as you say hello, smile when you first begin to answer each question, smile in the moments of silence before you speak. Your potential employer will hear that in your voice and recognize it as enthusiasm, a sign of life on the other end of the line. For jobs where people actually want more than a body with a pulse, this small act can do more than get your foot in the door--it can get you a seat at the table for a second round interview or better. I've actually stood in front of a mirror while I was talking to watch myself. Yes, I looked ridiculous, but I got an invite to interview in person before I hung up that phone.

Don't be afraid of 3-5 seconds of silence in between questions. Surprise! This is directly linked to what you get so sick of hearing your dad say: "Think before you speak." It's okay to think about your 3 strengths before talking about them; in fact, taking that moment of silence probably demonstrates another strength you need not even mention. Thoughtfulness. Maturity. Awareness. Those are all pluses whenever I'm interviewing someone.

Say "Thank You." For the phone interview, the in-person, the email exchange, whatever. No one will ever dismiss you because you thanked them for taking time to speak with you. I can speak to both sides about the power of a thank you. For almost every job I've received, the thank you notes that I sent during the interview process were what brought me to the finish line faster; and candidates who've sent me thank you notes have gone on to become employed interns.

As this LinkedIn article so wonderfully explains:

Email follow-ups are fine; handwritten notes are better; following up based on something you learned during the interview is best: An email including additional information you were asked to provide, or a link to a subject you discussed (whether business or personal.) The better the interview -- and more closely you listened -- the easier it will be to think of ways you can make following up seem natural and unforced. And make sure you say thanks -- never underestimate the power of gratitude.

I LOVE and prefer a handwritten note, but it's hard to get that done quickly enough in today's times (as much as it pains me to say it). Still, for the life of me I don't understand why typing an email thank you is like kryptonite to some job seekers. It's so easy. You can do it from your phone as soon as you exit the building, while you sit in the parking lot or train station. I'm talking 5 minutes. Get 'er done, kids. You can thank me for your success later.

'Cause Sistahs Are Doin' It For Themselves!

To Re-Read Is To Tesser Again