“I count myself in nothing else so happy as in a soul remembering my good friends.” - William Shakespeare
I've been discussing the importance of friends with a few people lately and it's caused me to pause and reflect. I've never considered myself a lucky person at all, but when I started taking stock of this fantastic collection of people I realized how inordinately lucky I have been and am.
Fortunate.
Blessed.
Some years ago at one of the best places on Earth, I came across Edna Buchanan's quote, "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves" and it became a personal motto at a time when my family really needed an infusion. Partly because of my Southern hospitable heritage and partly because it's just who I am, but, with fewer exceptions than I can recall, once we're friends, my stubborn, loyalty-ridden Capricornin' goat tendencies melt to stone. I'mma climb with you, wade in the waters and the valley and rest with you on the plateaus. You got to be or do something extra stank and triflin' before I'll side-eye you out of my life.
I love being able to claim someone as dear to me; it feels like planting the English garden I've always wanted. I love being able to choose who enriches the soil that binds my roots. Y'all keep me grounded and nourished.
I admire the seasonal sways in our relationships, the way they bloom and grow with the showers of shared experiences; I love them even as they wilt under the strains of distance or time because they never die. I'm also happy to say I'm surrounded by quite a few evergreens. Despite whatever distance or lack of frequency of conversation we're forever growing and within minutes not a beat has been missed between us.
In my twenties I remember saying so many times how hard it was to make friends without the benefit of recess. In my first few jobs I remember trying so hard to become friends with co-workers and acquaintances. We spent so much time together it seemed like a sensible avenue to pursue, but commiserating wasn't enough. (Commiserating is a great jump-off though, as this past year's newfound friendships well attest!)
Humor, enthusiasm and a gift for observation have become surefire hallmarks in my friendship quests. I need you, first and foremost, to demonstrate that you're aware of something and someone other than yourself--and not just so you'll notice me--but the innate curiosity and verve with which you all see this world amazes and buoys me. I'm introverted and as a result of these friendships I'm compelled to ask myself questions about where to go, what to do and how, what to hear and see, questions that I'm afraid I might not come up with on my own.
My sister and I are close. We're best friends because we choose to believe in the life bond that sharing a bloodline intrinsically weaved within us. She recently told me how much she admired the friends I have and how she wishes for the same kinds of bonds. At first I just shrugged like it wasn't that big of a deal, but it is. It only takes one brush with someone you used to know (or a quick scan of a Facebook profile) before you realize how rare it is to find people who will support and love and respect you by any means necessary and allow you to do the same for them.
My dad's implosion, my mom's illnesses and the aftershocks that rippled and ripped through my family nearly caused me to withdraw completely. I wondered what made people betray truths and loved ones and I found myself inadvertently choosing suspicion over trust. Yet the entire time I was surrounded by people who just never wavered and what a lifesaver that was, what a relief. The education I've received just from studying these friendships over the last 5, 10, 20+ years informs everything about who I must remain and strive to be.
If you're reading this then obviously this applies to you since you're pretty much the reason I blog anyhow--so we can stay connected--but still ...
Thank you.
♥
And while I'm on the subject of friends, can I just tell you how much fun it is to have found friends (née co-workers) with whom I can nosh and jive in the city? It's the best thing! If there's a restaurant week happenin' in your neck of the woods you best make it your business to wrangle some folks you wanna see and giggle and talk to and just do it. Grub on.
I highly recommend tapas-inspired places like Tinto and Sampan. There's nothing richer than sharing delicious dish (both grub and verbal).
It's taken me longer than I'd have liked but I gots me a set of gals at work that make the oft unbearable delightful. Sometimes you've got to do a li'l diggin' to snuff 'em out, but you gotta cultivate the garden to get it to grow, chirren. There's a joke about a hoe in there somewhere but I ain't snuffed it out just yet.