Thanks for seein' about a girl, friend. here's where I'm writing my own history—for you, for me and anyone else who needs to laugh to keep from cryin' every once in awhile.

Voice Lessons.

I could be so many things, I think to myself, that I ineffectually actually am Peter Pan. How so?

Well for one thing I'm still asking myself what do I want to be ...? (I try to leave off the "when I grow up" part. I'm trying to cut back on the cliches and such since I am overly indulging in butter these days.)

When endeavoring to answer that question I rattle off a great number of things, like a streetwalker leaning into some man's window, as if I'm a sidewalk magician advertising any number of tricks ...

I've got skills.

It's not so much that I think I'm the bomb or anything - I'm not destiny's child - but it's very much that for whatever reason I still really believe that the limit is the sky ...

And I'm no Chicken Little.

So what to do, what to do, I have no idea, which is why I'm here I suppose.

On NBC Nightly News right now I'm seeing a gaggle of women - with hair dyed black, lookin' all goth and Hot Topic-ish. I have on headphones so I don't know what they're saying, and I don't want to be so unkind as to say they look like white trash livin' on a new kind of wheels, but uh, they do kinda look it with those cut-off Lee jeans shorts and all. Roller derbyin'. I don't want to do that.

The other week I laughed remembering the career indicator test that said I had all the makings of a rabbi, teacher, counselor, politician, lawyer, geologist and a public relations specialist.

I ruled out rabbi citing the unliklihood that my hair - the African sagebrush - would ever conform to those delightful Shirley Temple lookin' curly-q's on each side of my head. Namely because what one side of my hair will do the other, on pure principle, will not, and I had no desire to be known as the rabbi with the jacked up hair. Among other I guess more obvious things that'd guarantee notoriety.

At the time, senior year in high school, I balked at teacher, immediately shoving that aside as I had no desire whatsoever to become the very people I was ready to leave in my dust. There were a few teachers I adored, for sure, but you know that saying about how one bad apple can, you know (finish cliche here)? Well, it's not terribly inspiring to have teachers tell you that they're only teaching so they can pay for the kids to get to college. Oh, so you can't actually teach the rudiments of calculus to me so I can say, go to college, but you'll fill up this space so that your son will have the opportunity? Um, okay. On top of that, several other teachers were too kind to point out that forget the love of it - it's more about lunacy to accept the measly pay. If anything, I remember hearing things like you could be so much more ...

Counselor seemed like one of those things where I'd only get paid after listening to other people's problems and helping them get through them. No go. Empathy is something I've always felt because I'm a rather sensitive soul, but I'm not trying to make a career out of handing folks tissues.

Politician? Eh, maybe, but I've got time. I mean, I've got to sort through issues before I can champion issues, right?

Lawyer? I did love me some Perry Mason and Matlock as a child, and I also thought that Claire Huxtable was magnificent. But I never saw myself in the courtroom, you know, in action. Maybe I'm a bit too Carl Lee Haley for lawyerin'.

Geologist. You got to be effin' kiddin' me. If you had seen me in the two geology classes that I took to avoid having to take more statistics and calculus, you'd have laughed almost as hard as I caused my professor to laugh both times I showed up in his office. Talk about a fish out of water.

So I settled on PR, and while I don't think I'm done with it, this hiatus (one of many already, which makes me think there will only be more, like this will be my thing or something ...) has left me looking around for what else I could be doing, and here are my options in no particular order - I just want to put them here so I can come back and ponder (this is a much better place to put them besides the countless journals I've got circlin' about):

- lawyer. I'm not necessarily passionate about the justice system. The thought of law school, though, seems like it would come in handy, and I like having things that come in handy. Someone once told me that they thought my imagination and my resourcefulness were two of my finest qualities. So, while I have no clue what exactly I'd do with a law degree, I'm figuring I could definitely do more than I'm doing now. Plus, I look at law school like a finishing school of sorts for my brain (of course I could also use just a plain' ol' finishing school, too) ... I feel law school will force me to be more concise, it'll require me to be decisive and to put my detail-oriented self to use; I also believe it'll sharpen my inherently competitive nature and could possible make me formidable on a more consistent basis. I don't know. Just a thought.

This thought is driven by the sneaking suspicion that I just loved school. I love the rhythm of it, and I'm thinking that a joint program - a law degree with a masters in say, Political Science, not only interest me, but again, could be quite useful ...

... maybe even for a say, political career? I am so Sammy in Sammy's Hill-in-the-making ;)

- backup singer/cabaret. This is partly because I accidentally added a Liza tune to my playlist last night, but also because since it's AI season, each week I think of what song I would sing if I were on idol. This also led me to compile a list of songs that I'd sing. Of course, I thought of the list earlier today, and didn't write it down. I also think I've made this list before, but anyway, here goes:

Crying (for country night) I've Got the World On a String The Best Is Yet to Come (for the throwback era) I Can't Make You Love Me What a Wonderful World How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? (for Bee Gees night) Autumn Leaves God Bless the Child A Song for You Day Dreaming Bridge Over Troubled Water Time After Time Rock With You (in the case that there is a disco night)

Anyway, me as a cabaret singer makes me think I'll go play house in Paris someday ... when I ... you know ... make UNlike Peter Pan or something.

Ugh.

Things.