Observations inspired by the word heart as Valentine’s Day sidles on up. Heh, heh. That reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine had that sidling co-worker … creepster. Ahem.
First of all, words and tidings of joy to those of you happily partnered. Get gussied up and go mack out in a corner somewheres. The rest of us, as I am suddenly so bold as to include anyone other than myself in “us,” will pick up your slack in slurping the love-inspired libations sure to be in full pour on one-person loveseats in front of televisions near you. Well, I’ll actually be working so I’ll be salivating at the thought of slurping on anything (besides my own drool) as I feign attentiveness during my dubious training session.
No, this won’t be some crusty diatribe on the outrageous commercialism exhibited on Valentine’s Day each year, nor will this be some sad rambling by a certain beau-less soul. (At least it's not intended to be as such.)
Nay. Instead I shall ask you if you yourselves think the world has had enough of silly love songs. Do you look around you and see that it is not so?
Whoa no.
This Valentine’s Day, how many hearts have been totally eclipsed? I’m hoping you’ve got someone on that night because forever is going to start then and forever – well, that’s a long time to be playing some tuba in Sgt. Pepper’s band, my friends.
It snowed overnight and there are about 14 inches of purty white stuff on the ground. I had no plans for the weekend, but I found myself itching to go out just when everyone was saying, “Better hunker down.” I didn’t go anywhere, though. Instead my mom and I watched silly people from our window slip and slide in cars and SUV’s in the parking lot outside. Foolish. Even the snow plow got stuck and that was shameful.
Anyway, I decided that I’d set myself up with a new playlist. I’ve been meaning to put all of my cds onto my hard drive, but I’ve not done so and wonder if I’ll ever feel like doing that. Prolly not. I did surf through the ones that are on the drive though and quite naturally, having sat through more “Every kiss begins with Kay” commercials than I thought my gag reflexes could take, I tsk-tsked myself something hard when every friggin’ row there was a song about hearts and love (all songs are about love though, aren’t they?). Still some titles just popped. They said various things, but mostly nan-na-na-boo-boo:
Aaliyah - At Your Best (You are love), Air Supply – Making Love Out Of Nothing At All …
… that one caused me to pause because I wondered how I could maybe do that as I appear to having nothing at all at the moment from which love I am not sure I can make (??? Whew.). I want you to know “that I would be good” were Al B. Sure’s falsetto not "killing me softly.” Thankfully, though, I’m not “all cried out,” but this is like a seriously consecutive Valentine’s where there have been “no more I love you’s.”
"Why?"
That’s alright though. I may be presently single, and damnit Aerosmith, there may be "a hole in my soul," but “if at first you don’t succeed, pick yourself up and ‘try again’.”
I scan and I see that love is “solid as a rock,” and inspires adventures - “two drifters off to see the world.” There are shacks of love, apparently, and cars as big as whales that’ll take you to li’l old places where we (whoever that is) can get together. And just when I think that I can let things be, there are those four mop-topped souls chiming to please “love me do.”
I’m in the B’s and already the thrill, my friends, is gone. It’s starting to look ugly as the Bee Gees ask how deep my love is and I wonder if it’s me that anyone needs to know and then … then … there is Billie Holiday, the poster child of longing and love-besieged woe. “You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh … the world will always welcome lovers as time goes by.”
Ain’t that the truth. “Woman needs man and man must have his mate,” she is right, no one can deny this, especially at this time of the year. Quickly I scan through her section as it could quickly become like quicksand and thankfully Billy Joel reminds me that “You’re Only Human” and I can’t forget my second wind – even if I’m wondering if I’ve caught the first. Then of course, there’s the Bridget Jones soundtrack, the first one, when she’s the ultimate single dodging her way through her not-so-existent lovelife. She was my hero then. I always channel me some Bridget when I encounter those family members who, now that I’m 26, make deliberate gestures (at least they seem awfully coincidental) at clocks and watches and ask incredulously, “Whatchu waitin’ on girl?”
Well I’m waitin’ on what Van Morrison sang about for dear Bridget – I’m waitin’ for someone to come through, someone to make it all worthwhile. Someone who won’t phunk with my heart, but someone who will make me be, “like whoa,” but in a good and clean way. And then I come to a good place, a place in the song spread that feels very much like a place where I am right now.
Right now I feel very much like an “any day woman.” I “have a heart” and while I will wait for the one to “come to me,” “I can’t make you love me.” No, and “I will not be denied” when love sneaks up on you, rescuing the both of us in the “nick of time.” I am “not the only one” who is waiting to see what a “lover’s will” will do, because eventually, for me, there’ll be someone to whom I can say, “anything you want, you got it.”
But then I happened upon this one song that I had not clicked upon in absolute ages. Just hovering over it I was taken back … way back. To the times where we still sat decorative shoeboxes on the edges of our desks awaitin’ candy hearts and cards from the popular superheroes of the time – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, anyone? I wore stuff that had neon in it, imitation Keds and real L.A. Gears with 3 shoestrings laced and everything was seriously color coordinated – hairbows and ribbons, both pairs of scrunched socks alternately matched, Umbros and Trapper Keepers with folders of unicorns and other things that I’d trace and draw on notebook paper when I was bored. Everybody knew fully what NKOTB stood for and clamored for their stickers and sleeping bags, but I set my sights on my first age appropriate crushes: The Boys. Y’all prolly don’t recall them, but me and my best friend of the time, Tisha, swooned having become self-actualized enough to know that as cute as Jordan Knight was, we never saw any black girls squealing from his kisses, so we set our sights on four cute ‘round the way lookin’ boys – Khiry, Hakeem, Tajh and Bilal.
Tonight I found my heart being dialed all over again and I loved all 4 minutes and 25 seconds of it – the bubblegummy goodness, all gooey with voices not yet deepened, but squeaking. They were too cute and were reachable by the nearest pay phone, or so they said.
Back then Valentine’s Day held such promise and the guarantee of cupcakes, and if there’s one thing that I absolutely love with all my heart, it’s cupcakes. Talk about a total eclipse of the heart. If there’s anything I’m really needin’ tonight and forever it’s a good strawberry cupcake with some cream cheese icing. Yum – lookin’ like this Tuesday’s for real ‘bout to get fat.
Yeah, this Tuesday I’ll be loving my work (and my gut) listening to this new mix dreaming about the day when my prince will come, someday when I find my love …
“That’ll be the day,” won’t it, y’all? Yeah, I reckon it will. At least it’ll give me “somethin’ to talk about.”