Thanks for seein' about a girl, friend. here's where I'm writing my own history—for you, for me and anyone else who needs to laugh to keep from cryin' every once in awhile.

Maybe it's just 'cause it's late, but ...

... this made me laugh awfully hard. It's been a good long time since I've just rambled, so here it is. * * * * * * *

Museumgoer Shatters Vases After Stumble

CAMBRIDGE, England (Jan. 30) - A museum visitor shattered three Qing dynasty Chinese vases when he tripped on his shoelace, stumbled down a stairway and brought the vases crashing to the floor, officials said Monday.

The three vases, dating from the late 17th or early 18th century, had been donated to the Fitzwilliam Museum in the university city of Cambridge in 1948, and were among its best-known artifacts. They had been sitting proudly on the window sill beside the staircase for 40 years.

"It was a most unfortunate and regrettable accident, but we are glad that the visitor involved was able to leave the museum unharmed," said Duncan Robinson, the Fitzwilliam's director.

The museum declined to identify the man who had tripped on a loose shoelace Wednesday.

Asked about the porcelain vases, Margaret Greeves, the museum's assistant director, said: "They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together."

The museum declined to say what the vases were worth.

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Sweet Jesus, I cannot stop the chuckles, and I'm not sure that I can say why this is so funny when I'm so tired. However, it's probably because I'm so sleepy that this is funny. Tomorrow I'm going to read this and feel ashamed. I might even delete it.

This jokah tripped on his shoelace?! Imagine you're the museum curator. What would you say?

I might've thought, "Jokah! You are a grown ass man walkin' around with your shoes untied. What is WRONG with you?!"

But oh that official response was so fabulously English, and possessing a decorum that my bewilderment would completely ignore. I could just see that stiff upper lip pursed nearly white.

* * * * * * *

In other news, Tom Jones is on TV now kickin' off the show with "It's Not Unusual." The version is decidedly geriatric. His shirt's all buttoned up and everything. Jacket all buttoned up. He must not want to be assaulted by billowing white Granny knickers ... lots of the elderly set in the audience tonight.

The best thing is that Tom still does that jump and swivel. I find myself waiting for Alfonso Ribeiro to jump out with his snappy self. Alas, now I'm just waiting to see if maybe he'll sing "You Can Leave Your Hat On," but I might just have to put The Full Monty CD on instead.

He's singing "Baby It's Cold Outside" with some girl that looks like she could be his granddaughter. Gross. He's got soul though - even wearin' that old man mini 'fro ... like a White man's Otis Redding haircut.

But the man is on beat, I tell ya. Cuttin' a rug singing "Take Me To The River." Wasn't that Big Mouth Billy Bass's song? Tina Turner did it, too, I think; she and Ike put the funk on it, I'm sure. Now it's "I Got a Woman." He's seriously got two chicks singing with him that weigh about a dime apiece. One girl is twisting the night away dressed up like a po' Sporty Spice in a Farrah Fawcett "vintage" tee and some sneakers. What is this show? Something from the BBC. Not Top of the Pops or whatever that show is, but something crazier - oh, A Little Later. This is like a Bandstand shipped across the Atlantic, where the end result is terribly diluted. Ooooh, lots of drunk people are "dancing." (I won't allow myself to actually deem any of what I just saw to be rhythmic.)

And in 15 minutes it's over. No one told me I could leave my hat on, either. Shiesters.

C'est moi, 8-12 years ago & always, perhaps ...

The wheels in the mud go 'round and 'round ...